


Better Things

by whatkindofcrazy



Category: Pusher (Refn Movies), Trial & Retribution
Genre: Angst, Berto also has daddy issues, Daddy Issues, Dirty Talk, Hannigram - Freeform, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Phone Sex, Rare Pairings, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Tonny has a lot of daddy issues, phone sex operator, sex worker roberto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 17:44:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12194679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatkindofcrazy/pseuds/whatkindofcrazy
Summary: Tonny comes home from a night on the town, but things didn't go as he expected so he resorts to phone sex. Maybe Berto will be able to give him what he needs.





	Better Things

**Author's Note:**

> This happens a few months after the events of Pusher 1 just so you understand why there is no mention of the baby from pusher 2.
> 
> Also, i finished this for the #EatTheRare week done by the wonderful Hannibal Creatives. And also this started as a crack discussion with Camille (flyingrotten) 8months ago and finally i'm about to deliver this piece. Not beta read.
> 
> Better Things by A$AP Rocky was an inspo while writing this piece.

A night out with the boys. He didn't know how he felt about it. Frank had gone missing a month ago. Dead, rumors had it. Tortured, others said. But Tonny knew deep down his friend was alive somewhere. A friend who beat him up. Left him on the floor in blood and a broken nose. 

Tonny takes a chug of his beer. He sits on a stool, Ø on one side and some guys from the garage on the other. They talk about going to the whores afterwards.They order more beer. Cheers.Then shots. Loud laughters. 

Then his father comes in. 

He smiles to the guys. Gives a warm pat on the back of Ø, and just a nod of acknowledgment of Tonny's presence. The older man has a lively conversation with his employees as if they were family. 

He ignores his son. 

The pusher chugs down his drink in effort to bring back the attention to him. To maybe have his father cheer for him for something so dumb as drinking a pint in one go. 

Smoden ignores.

But Ø gives him big friendly pat on his back and laughs with him. 

Then comes the moment of the whores. The wind seems to cut through Tonny's layers. He exhales and smokes comes out. He wraps his arms around himself to try to stop the cold from sweeping through.

Seven men walking in the streets of icy Copenhagen as if they were kings paying for sex. 

Tonny is bustling with energy from the coke and the drinks. Once they arrive to the whore house, they are each escorted to a room with the girls of their choice. Except for Tonny. The girl he wanted left with his father and now, he is going to spend the next hours with a decent looking one. 

In the dim light room, the prostitute starts to undress the pusher. He looks down to her boney fingers tugging at his hoodie. He looks up to the usually white ceiling but now looking vivid red by the lights. His mind is unfocused. He's too high to hold a grudge against the pick of whores. In any case his dick is going to find the warmth of a wet cunt. 

Well, that’s what he thought. 

Twenty minutes later, the naked brunette is on her knees trying to suck him to hardness for the fourth time. Nothing works. Tonny is getting frustrated, annoyed and he can feel his once good vibe leaving his being. The coke only amplifying his annoyance. 

"Fuck it." He looks down to the girl with small tits and says " Don’t tell anyone"  
He wants to look menacing but he looks more like a puppy trying to play pitbull. 

The whore, a newer addition, just nods. This is going to spread like wildfire. He should do some damage control but at this point he just wants to get out the unbearably hot room. He feels like he is suffocating.

In a hurry, Tonny pulls up his sweat pants, and gets out of the room. He won't get his money back. He doesn't care for the moment. 

He takes a quick look around the lobby and sees no one of his gang around. That means Ø is still going and Tonny has the flat to himself. He grins while power walking to the nearest kebab to his friend’s place. 

The turkish owner is polite, actually gives a warm smile to the man he considers a kid. " hej Tonny. Usual?" 

The pusher seems too happy for a simple kebab but Ihsan doesn't mind. Tonny has always been good, he just hung out with a bad crowd. Good heart, just a bit simple on the edges, Ihsan thinks while putting the fries in the hot oil. Tonny on the other side of the counter seems agitated. The coke is pumping through his veins and he feels too static for his liking. A leg starts to nervously move, then he needs to grab the wrapped sugar and play with it. Time seems to slow down. When his food is finally ready, Tonny had already tried to neat out his bill for the tenth time.

" Tak" He hands out the money and grabs his take out. 

He hungrily devours it, not caring for the sauce on the corner of his lips. He sees some beautiful girls wearing their best outfits for the club. Drunk and high Tonny puts on his usual show even if no one is looking. " hey girls.." He looks them up and down before meeting faces of disgust and repulse. 

"Oh come on, you've never met a real cock thats why!" He cries out with a smirk as the two girls walk away not turning back. 

"Oh well, their fucking lost" he plunges a fry in more sauce before stuffing it in his mouth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk home is pretty uneventful. Placing the rest of his food in the kitchen, he heads straight to the living room. Some of his clothes still on the floor, a cover on the sofa and the pillow on the dining table. 

After turning all the the heaters on, Tonny strips to his faded blue underwear. He picks out one of his favorite porn of Ø's collection and pops it on. The whore didn't know how to work him up. His good old hand won't fail him. 

Two porn, three magazines and thought up scenarios later, Tonny still can't get hard. At least, not enough to scratch his itch.  
Maybe it is because he already knows every angle of the cunts on the glossy sticky magazine pages. Maybe it is because he already knows by heart when the dude cums and when the girls squirts on the tape.

"Fuck" he swears and turns on the tv on hopes something new that will help. Instead, he is semi hard and still in need. 

" Want to talk to hot girls ? The sexiest out there ? How about you give us a call?" The seducing voice of a woman calls from the tv, flashing shots of practically nude figures. "Call us" a voice whispers again from the Tv. 

"Call us" the velour voice purrs from the screen. "36 39 69. Join us" the sound seems to envelope Tonny with comfort and warmth. 

That’s where he'll get his itch to finally go. His greasy fingers from the vaseline and kebab reach down to his discarded sweat pants to pick up his cell. He types in the numbers, and waits for the soothing voice to wrap around him once more.  
On the other side of the line is a small office of 5 cubicles. A red light flash on Berto's phone, near the "STRAIGHT" labelled line. He sighs, knowing he won't get commission on this one, so he lets it ring. 

"Why is no one answering?” He mutters under his breath. Curiosity pushes him on his two feet too look upon the 5 girls busy with other callers. 

"Shit" The red light stops flashing leaving berto in a sticky situation. Their boss will kill them if he hears an idiot´s money wasn't easily plucked from them.  
While the young man is lost in his mind trying to find excuses, the phone rings again. Fuck. The others are still chatting up their caller to stay on longer. Berto will just blame it on the fact everyone was busy and he had to take one of the straight callers. 

"Fuck it" Berto needs the extra cash anyways. His fingers caress the smooth surface of the telephone while trying to adjust his voice.

"Good evening-"

" Do you really have the hottest girls ?" The voices blurts out.

Well, that is certainly a way to start a conversation. 

" Of course, darling. And you are talking to one of them" It’s easy to settle in the persona of a blonde bimbo. All the guys seem to love the type. That or the good awful cliché of the submissive asian girl.  
Roberto roll his eyes while the voice on the other side seem to be reassured. Naive. Gullible.

"It's the first time calling us?" Berto tries to bring warmth into his voice. 

"Yeah. I went to the whores. It was a newbie and she couldn't suck well. Then i came home. Tried to watch porn and shit but i know it by hear-"  
A john, well this one was certainly in need to let go. He wonders how the real deal did not work for the guy on the other end. Maybe pussy wasn't as exciting as before. Now Berto wonders what the other guy on the other side looks like. 

"You want something new? Exciting?" 

"Mmh yes, yes! With the hottest girls on the planet"

" Mmh, and i'm sure if you were with me baby, you'd be hard in two seconds" the words come out easily, Berto is on autopilot. Guys just want a good scenario and raw details. The shit, they won't get with their regular girl. However for this guy, it might be more complicated than the usually bullshit Berto comes up with.  
"Mmh i'm sure you have a beautiful cock. One you can't resist placing your lips on once you see it" 

" i am the king of cocks" Tonny says proudly. 

" Oh that i'm sure you are" Berto stops himself from puffing a sigh so he can continue the praises. Some want all the glory others are into humiliation. This one seems to starve for praise. " I bet that after a few sucks my jaw will hurt at how thick you are " 

Tonny smiles, this is nice. No one really compliments his dick. The whores say that but they are lying to get bigger tips. Regular girls are usually drunk and high just like him. This person doesn't seem drunk nor can he tip them. They have to be somewhat truthful about their words. " Do you like sucking cock?" He asks curious to know more about the woman with a strange voice.

Berto chuckles, and it seems to be the most beautiful thing Tonny has heard. Yet he hopes the woman isn't laughing at him. 

" Of course, if i didn't i certainly wouldn't want to suck you right now. " The man smirked thinking if Tonny would still be up for it if only knew where Berto's mouth had been before and that Berto had a dick at the place of a vagina. He licked his upper lip, still tasting his activities of a few hours ago. 

"Have you sucked many cock-I mean, the whore i went didn't do it right. I don't think she's sucked many dicks" he huffs a bit flustered. 

"I've never had a complaint. How about i take care you, darling?" 

"Ho-" His question is cut short by Berto. 

" Relax. Close your eyes" The voice purrs " Now if i was in the same room as you. My long blonde hair cascading over my tits, but other than that i'm naked and all yours to do whatever to." 

Tonny listens to the voice. "All mine ?" He's never truly had something of his. The flat was his best friend's, the clothes he had were stolen, the shoes had been frank's. Whores were what they were. They were yours for the time you paid them to be. Regular girls never wanted to be more than a toilet fuck with Tonny. The only thing he had possessed was the drugs he used. But even that, some of what he sniffed were grammes destined to be pushed. 

Having someone was an alien concept for the pusher. Frank has left him. His mother was good as dead, it's not like she had cared of his where abouts. His father... was he even a father ? It seemed the only one who had been there for the bald man was Ø. 

Ironic.

" Yes, all yours" the voice confirms. 

Tonny wants to focus on the warmth of the lying voice. He isn't fucking dumb. The girl on the other side is paid to make him feel good. And he desperately wants to feel good to numb out the pestering voices reminding him of his worthlessness. 

"I've never had anything as mine" Tonny admits he looks down to his drying greasy fingers. 

It might be the fact he does not see the girl that makes him open up. She does not know his name or face or where he comes from. She will never say anything to anyone here. 

He breathes. 

" I'm yours" Berto says again, as he senses this client might not need some hot babe to phone sex but one that can listen. These kind of calls happens. More often on his line of calls because all the self hate some have for not liking pussy and living a weighing illusion.  
Tonny take a moment to breath. He has never said out loud this. All the weight of his father's words did have an impact. Tonny pretended it brushed off. Those insults did not affect him. Yet, after all those years of cheery numbness, Tonny finds himself with teary eyes, his hand tightly wrapped around the cell and the realization that he isn't as strong as he thought. 

His life was made of random choices to try and impress his dad, or to get out of his shadow. Pushing, playing frank's bodyguard or petty thefts, choices that had pulled him out of school. All considering, he actually liked school but it did not fit with the whole tough guy facade. He was not the smartest but he had the spark of curiosity that his father had kindly reprimanded and told him how school was worthless. 

And now, the voice on the other side knows all this. And it's quiet. The silence is deafening for Tonny. He is always surrounded by noise. It makes sure to silence the echoing voice of his father in his mind. 

"You have worth" the voice finally says. " Your father has just been blind to see it. Fuck him" 

Fuck him ? 

Tonny doesn't know what to reply. The silence grows as he reflects on those two words. 

"Fuck him?" His voice is small, a ghost haunting the apartment of his friend. 

" Yeah. He treats you like shit. He's never been there for you." The opposite of what Berto's father had been for him and his brother. Sure they didn't see much of because of the restaurant. However, he worked his ass off to provide better for his family. He had tried to provide everything he could to them. Every penny was to better the life of his children. 

All this father talk is stirring things Berto did not plan on to dwell on. Shaking his head Berto tries to forget. The smile of his father when Berto had made his first lasagna. Or the warmth of his father's eyes when his brother and himself had bought a cd of Pavarotti best performances for Christmas.  
He can't forget the face of confusion when the police had brought Roberto to the station. His dear father's heartbreak to learn that his sons were murders. 

This is not a conversation he is willing to have with a stranger, yet...  
On some level Berto understands the pain a father can cause. 

" i'm a son of a whore" tonny creaks from the other side. 

"So?" 

" So..." Tonny looks down to his socked feet not knowing what to add except the truth " Guys don't really care if they are the father of some kid's whore." 

"And they are fucking wrong. Should think where their dicks land before making kids" 

"They don't really... think." He knew it all to well. They were usually high or drunk wanting to let go of some stupid need. 

" Then you should start thinking." The voice is soft, a gentle advice for the foreign voice. " Avoid what you can prevent." 

Tonny pictures himself holding a child. He contorted his face at the weird image his mind projected. A small walling infant, in his good-for-nothing hands. Yet the child turned in Tonny's arms to find comfort in his father. And the alien feeling started to fade away. Maybe he had enough in him to be a decent dad.

He laughed. 

A child. A kid in his arms. His infant. It was too precious to be near his clumsiness. 

"Yeah, no kids." 

He wants to add more but there are voices roaring in the corridor full of cheers and laughter. 

"Shit" he sighs 

"Something wrong darling?"

" I.. have to go." He can't have his roommate listening to his late night confession nor fap himself in front of Ø. Watching porn together is one thing but whipping your dick out next to each other that’s...gay.

" Ok.. Call me when you want darling, you have my number and i owe you a blowjob" 

Tonny smiles, " a fake blowjob"


End file.
